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How to Stop Self-Sabotaging

Self-Sabotage is what happens when you do things that go directly against whatever you need to do to accomplish your goals. It’s what happens when you’re fighting the deep-seated insecurities that keep you spinning your wheels.

You can make loads of progress in your life and business despite your fears and insecurities… But only if you learn to identify your self-sabotaging behaviors and start dismantling them one by one.


So, how do you know when you’re self-sabotaging?

  • Do you tend to run when things in your relationship start getting too serious?
  • Are you a procrastinator?
  • Do you regularly numb out with alcohol, drugs, food, shopping, TV binging or other things?
  • Do you constantly feel like an imposter?

All of these things are symptoms of self-sabotage. You’ll know you’re self-sabotaging because you can feel it. Rather than contentment, you start feeling anxious. You start getting destructively critical of yourself. You keep doing the self-destructive behavior and progressively get harder and harder on yourself.

Self-destruction is a spiral. You can get so used to doing it, you might start feeling like you’ll never be able to stop.

But you can!


Acknowledge what’s going on when you find yourself self-sabotaging.

If you Self-Sabotage in relationships…

When you start feeling that familiar pang of panic as your relationship starts getting serious, remind yourself that not every relationship will end in the same way. You’re not always going to get hurt.

You’ve learned a lot from previous experiences. Trust yourself enough to know you won’t keep making the same mistakes. You’ll never find the relationship you want if you’re always running.

Instead, learn to communicate through the discomfort. Stand for what you need by showing up and being open and vulnerable with your partner. Give them a chance to show you how highly functional relationships can be. If you feel like you’re always picking fights, take responsibility for your actions, and give them the chance to do the same. Apologize and get to the root of the problem. It’s not about who’s right and who’s wrong. It’s about owning your separate part of things and moving forward productively.

If you’re regularly procrastinating on important tasks…

When you find yourself scrolling through Facebook rather than finishing (or hell, even starting) the project that is due this week, have you stopped to consider why? It’s easy to keep thinking, “Ugh, I need to start this,” but then continue procrastinating. What would happen if you stopped to consider why you were procrastinating in the first place.

For instance, you know you’re going to get paid for the project the moment you complete it. Yet, there you are, haven’t even started yet. Perhaps you’ve got some limiting beliefs about money you need to work through. After all, why else would you be putting off a project that’s going to make you money the moment you’re done?

Get to the root of the problem. Because your lack of starting/finishing, isn’t the problem. It’s a symptom of the problem.

Getting to the root of the problem is the key to ending every self-sabotaging behavior you suffer from.

Using substances, shopping or TV binging as a means to numb out? What are you numbing out from? What is the fear? Because I guarantee, at the root of the problem, there is fear lurking.

Maybe you’re afraid of making a mistake. Maybe you’re afraid of failing. Maybe you’re afraid of getting hurt. Whatever your fear is, and no matter how your self-sabotaging is showing up, you are capable of overcoming.

Take inventory of all your positive qualities and attributes. Allow yourself to recognize what you’re bringing to the table. Acknowledge yourself. Remember how capable you are of success. Look around at how many times you’ve succeeded and remind yourself that you’re a badass. You’ve got this.


You’re self-sabotaging because you’re afraid.

But there’s good news, confidence, determination and resilience are a far louder cry than fear. You can drown out fear by deciding you have what it takes to succeed. What’s more, you can squash your fear by deciding that even if things don’t work out how you hope they will, you’ll bounce back. No matter what happens, you’re capable of picking yourself up, dusting yourself off and trying again.

You’ve already got what it takes to succeed. It’s time to get out of your own way.

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